Gangs: the Gov gets gully

As the government's Gangs: You and Your Child booklet prepares to hit the mean streets of the UK, an alternative guide is proving to be the viral sensation of the month. The author - who has been variously described as "flippant beyond all countenance", "irresponsible to the point of blasphemy", and "Ewen Cook" - kindly permits us to reprint it below.

How tell if your child is in a gang:

- Do they have an air of purpose about them that floundering at the arse-end of a socially-immobile society should have crushed beyond all repair?

- Are they displaying a bullish sense of pride and unity that a rigged economy and postcode-segregated public services should have rendered impossible?

- Are they laughing at government self-help guides even more derisively than you?

If you can answer 'YES' to any or all or even half of one of the above questions, while keeping a straight face, ACT NOW. Before the problem becomes obscured in a smokescreen of throwaway gestures which mask the fundamental structural inequalities responsible for a fatally disenfranchised British underclass.

Call Gordon. Tell him everything.